If you could go back and change one thing about your life, what would you choose and why? Do you think it would have a ripple effect on other moments and memories?

I’ve thought about this many times, and I’ve thought of many scenarios.

I think of what I’d do differently if I could go back with the knowledge I have now.. but what’s the fun in that? What makes a life interesting is the journey, the coming of age, and overcoming struggles. Bad experiences make good stories. If I went back in time with all of my current knowledge, I would have just focused on school, pursued hobbies like music and sports – but when I think about those hobbies in that context – I think about how that would get me more attention. I love attention. Basically I would go back to receive more attention. What does that say about myself? As a child/teenager did I feel like I was lacking attention? Why did I want it so bad? I had low self-esteem and because of that I did not give myself sufficient positive affirmation and attention. I craved to be validated but I did not even validate myself. I lacked confidence and conviction in my values as an adolescent. Now I have confidence and self-validation, I’ve let go of those past desires. I don’t think about what I would do differently if I could go back anymore. I’m focused on the present and planning for the future. I remember the lessons I’ve learned from the past.

So to my 17 year old self – honestly – you’re doing well. Just keep believing in yourself and continually strive to be a good person. Be open to yourself and communicate and advocate for yourself. Be compassionate. Everyone has their struggles. With that, be compassionate to yourself. You are separate from your ego. You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness of them.

9/3/18

Been a pharmacy manager for a week. I didn’t know I’d be here but I love it. I embrace the ownership and responsibility. I am an asset to the community. I’m an educator, a health care provider, and safety net for medication adherence and appropriate pharmacotherapy. It’s an underrated job but it’s a big responsibility. I do enjoy it.

07/17/2023: It’s been a minute

7 years since my last post to be exact. So I didn’t match a the 1 residency program I ranked 5 years ago but I ended up becoming a PIC in Yakima, WA which allowed me to visit PN almost every week when she was in medical school. Then we moved back to the west side where we got our dream waterfront apartment – just in time for the pandemic. I picked up old hobbies and new ones. Switched to the start-up career path. That was challenging but loads of fun. We got married. Now we’re living in Oakland, CA. I work in downtown SF. I accepted my offer to UCLA’s MHA program. The future is unpredictable and full of surprises.

I read back my old posts and I’m proud that my values have stayed the same and that I’ve remained consistent in building upon these values – being the best version of myself so I can be the best for the most important people in my life. Being present, being compassionate. I’m grateful.

If you were my ex…

(con’t)

8/28/16: Character over credentials

Keep that in mind.

5/30: Past

Went through my entire FB history with PN tonight – from 2016 to 2008. It was an uncomfortable experience to say the least, but it made me realize something. The past is the past. I can let it go. It’s not who I am anymore. The idea of letting go is nothing new to me but to be able to symbolically delete memories – memories I want to forget – felt very real. It was relieving. Thank you PN – for accepting me…who I am and how I was.

 

 

Remember

Connect. Be active. Take notice. Keep learning. Give.

Journey: Part 1

High School – probably the four longest years of my life. I became a part of a group of friends who really had nothing in common except for the fact that we were real and kept it down to earth. Just a laid back group. We were out finding ourselves as individuals and our bond evolved with it. We went through a lot together actually. Girls, struggles, life decisions, and all the works. But after high school, it was just the history that kept us together a little longer. We were already so different and we were going on our different paths. We just became too different from each other, at least that’s how I felt. I couldn’t connect with them the same way anymore. It was just different. Not bad, not good. Just different. I had my own agenda and I knew that people were only temporary. The people who mattered would stick around.

4/11/2016: Gratitude

Amazing girlfriend who fully supports my endeavors. I support hers, too. To be in a relationship, yet ambitions are boundless. We respect each other so much. I admire her so very much. I’ve seen her grow a lot in the past few years, and I get to see her grow for the rest of my life. It’s a thing of beauty to be so in love and so excited for someone who you’ve only known for a fifth of your life. One fifth becomes one-half, and soon she’ll be my life. She’s the love of my life.

Gratitude 3/22/2016

Yes, I can say I had a crappy day. But I come home, talk to you and feel so loved and appreciated. With you, PN, I can never say I am having a bad day. I get to share my time with you. I love you, I admire you, and I want to spend my life with you. It’s always a good day with you. How’d I get so lucky?